You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
