Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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