do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So much Jack, so little girl.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
