I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
