i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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