So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
