shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
