he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
