doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
