so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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