and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize