Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
