you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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