Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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