i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i out mim tonsoeep
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