So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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