Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Houston, we have a blender
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
