After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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