my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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