thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize