The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
