New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
