He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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