i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
