Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
