ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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