Will you blow on my dice?
If that was your dad, he is hot
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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