Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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