I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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