i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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