she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's get the cat blown out
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
