you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She announced her abortion via fbk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
