Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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