Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
