Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Are we still banned from the library?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
