she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
