she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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