We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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