He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
