Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
