when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
