I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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