We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize