We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
