I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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