....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
