"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
