Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
