There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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