I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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