Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
