my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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