she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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