Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Mom said you looked used
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize