the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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