another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
