Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
