He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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