I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
